What You Resist, You Create More Of
You want to “lose” 10 pounds, but you can’t lose what you don’t have, so you’ll keep those 10 pounds so you can keep losing them.
You want to “gain” confidence, but you can’t gain what you already have, so you’ll stay lacking confidence, so you can keep trying to gain it.
You say you want to “get out of” debt, but you can’t get out of something you’re not in, so debt has to stay present for you to keep getting out of it.
What you resist, you create more of. And what you’re trying to gain, you’ll never have.
Why This Language Traps You
The structure of these goals requires the problem to exist.
To lose weight, weight must be present. To gain confidence, confidence must be missing. To get out of debt, debt must exist.
Your goal language keeps you in the exact state you’re trying to change because the goal itself depends on that state continuing.
You’re not trying to be healthy. You’re trying to lose weight.
You’re not trying to be confident. You’re trying to gain confidence.
You’re not trying to be wealthy. You’re trying to get out of debt.
The different matters because one creates what you want, and the other maintains what you don’t want.
The Language Reveals the Deeper Conflict
The language you choose comes from something deeper within.
If you want something and don’t have it, it means part of you doesn’t want it either. And the part that doesn’t want it always wins because its goal is safety.
The “lose weight” language is protecting you from something about being at your ideal weight that you aren’t yet aware of.
The “gain confidence” language is keeping you safe from something you unconsciously think is unsafe about being confident.
The “get out of debt” language is shielding you from something about having money that feels unsafe.
What You’re Actually Avoiding
The questions that reveal what you’re really resisting:
If I get to my ideal weight, I might lose…
If I get to my ideal weight, I’d have to…
If I get to my ideal weight, people might think…
If I’m confident, I might lose…
If I’m confident, I’d have to…
If I’m confident, people might think…
If I get money, I might lose…
If I get money, I’d have to…
If I get money, people might think…
As long as you’re breathing in presence, your answers will show you something you were previously unaware of, which will allow you to move through those emotions that come up.
The Focus Problem
Whatever you focus on grows in your experience.
When you focus on losing weight, you’re constantly thinking about it. When you focus on gaining confidence, you’re actually focusing on your lack of it. When you focus on getting out of debt, debt is always on your mind.
Your attention goes to the problem you’re trying to solve, which feeds energy to the problem and makes it stronger in your experience. It also closes you off to opportunities that are abundantly around you at all times.
What Actually Works
Instead of trying to lose, gain, or get out of or away from something, focus on what you want to create.
Instead of “losing weight,” create health.
Instead of “gaining confidence,” create action.
Instead of “getting out of debt,” create wealth.
But first, you have to understand what you’re unconsciously avoiding about having what you say you want.
Because until you address the deeper conflict that created the language, you’ll keep using the language that maintains the problem.